Anything But Ordinary, Please.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Giving
I'm always going to give change to homeless people when I have it. I see people turn others down when they ask for help, because they say they will only give food, but not money, so that drugs aren't purchased. I don't care. Most of these people don't actually go get food for the people they decline. They give nothing. I don't know if I've ever helped somebody buy drugs or not, but at least I've done something nice for someone.
Thursday, August 1, 2013
A Few From My Morning Walks
Being Naked.
Desiring vulnerability, to be attractive,
Enjoying an acceptable form of intimacy,
Being open to how I really feel,
Worried about my female self to be unacceptable,
Lacking ability to conform to social norm.
Taking the Bus.
Experiencing, undertaking relationships with a group of people,
Taking a certain direction, in company of others,
Trying to get somewhere but feeling so dependent,
Possibly concerned about weight.
......................
As the animal rages inside,
wanting to tear flesh and feast,
the words "I love you", sincerely, softly spoken
calm the silent beast.
.....................
Like an orchestra tuning up,
the dissonance turns into perfect unison,
when I focus on you, Lord,
my life's director.
You put my melodies to the light
and let me know when they're just right.
You let me see through the good and bad,
Lord, you're my shit detector.
.........................
It's been two months since it ended,
and you've been a mess ever since,
and you're sick of feeling like you do.
All I can say is that this will pass, and that I'm praying for you.
As for me, I'm sick of being scared shitless of ending up feeling that way too,
because I'm told things,
that I'm truly cared for,
that those I need will be there for me,
and all I can say is I hope that's true.
Desiring vulnerability, to be attractive,
Enjoying an acceptable form of intimacy,
Being open to how I really feel,
Worried about my female self to be unacceptable,
Lacking ability to conform to social norm.
Taking the Bus.
Experiencing, undertaking relationships with a group of people,
Taking a certain direction, in company of others,
Trying to get somewhere but feeling so dependent,
Possibly concerned about weight.
......................
As the animal rages inside,
wanting to tear flesh and feast,
the words "I love you", sincerely, softly spoken
calm the silent beast.
.....................
Like an orchestra tuning up,
the dissonance turns into perfect unison,
when I focus on you, Lord,
my life's director.
You put my melodies to the light
and let me know when they're just right.
You let me see through the good and bad,
Lord, you're my shit detector.
.........................
It's been two months since it ended,
and you've been a mess ever since,
and you're sick of feeling like you do.
All I can say is that this will pass, and that I'm praying for you.
As for me, I'm sick of being scared shitless of ending up feeling that way too,
because I'm told things,
that I'm truly cared for,
that those I need will be there for me,
and all I can say is I hope that's true.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Forced Rhyme Expiriment
The shit that life throws at you tells you when to take a shower,
and I get cleaner by the hour.
I walk into the maelstrom, and I do not cower,
though it's much like baking without any flour.
When I end up captured at the top of the tower,
the love potions they feed me continue to sour.
The devil, without human beings, has no power.
and I get cleaner by the hour.
I walk into the maelstrom, and I do not cower,
though it's much like baking without any flour.
When I end up captured at the top of the tower,
the love potions they feed me continue to sour.
The devil, without human beings, has no power.
Monday, July 15, 2013
The Christian Case for Gay: A Scholarly Approach
Words that we say can hurt, and
we may never know. These words hurt even more when they stem from
generalizations and misinformation. When someone is hiding a part of
themselves for fear of your judgment, and you make a comment against
people like him/her, it creates fear and rejection in that person's
heart. This is what it is like to be a Christian who also happens to
identify as gay. In this paper, I will be addressing some Biblical
texts that are used as ammunition against homosexuality, and pointing
out ways in which the hetero-centric system of the church does more
harm than good. Through this examination of facts and reason, I hope
to show how non-heterosexual individuals should be able to be open
and out within their church families without fear of oppression or
rebuke.
First off, I'd like to take a
moment to explain the problem with the common Christian
how-to-deal-with-homosexuality mantra, “Love the sinner; hate the
sin.” Sin is defined in the Bible as something that draws us away
from God. Many non-heterosexuals would tell you that their love
relationships are built on trust and working together, which can
bring them closer to God. Of course, there are non-heterosexuals who
have less positive relationships, just as there are heterosexuals
whose relationships fall away from God's plan of compassion,
intimacy, and purity. Many people see examples of non-heterosexual people portrayed as people with their lives riddled with sin, due to conservative media coverage and television portrayal. Judging homosexuality based on this limited information is akin to judging heterosexuality based on the movie, "The Hangover".
Also,
a person's sexuality is much
more than simply who they prefer to mate with. As Suzanne Pharr put
it, “"Hetero-sexist people often assert that homosexuals have
the choice of not being homosexual; that is, we don't have to act out
our sexual identity. In that case, I want to hear heterosexuals talk
about their willingness not to act out their sexual identity,
including not just sexual activity but heterosexual social
interconnections and heterosexual privilege. It is a question of
wholeness. It is very difficult for one to be denied the life of a
sexual being, whether expressed in sex or physical affection, and to
feel complete, whole. For our loving relationships with humans feed
the life of the spirit and enable us to overcome our basic isolation
and to be interconnected with humankind." Being
non-heterosexual isn't a string of non-related “slip-ups”. Non-heterosexual thought is not akin to wanting a cookie on occasion even though you're on a diet. Sexual
identity is a quintessential part of personality. How can a
Christian, a believer of Hebrew's “agape”, or unconditional love,
say “I love you, but I hate a big part of who you are.”
There
are many texts in the Bible which, when taken out of context, can be
used to condemn non-heterosexuality. The following are some of the
most commonly used. First off, there is Leviticus 18:22 "If a
man lies with mankind, as with womankind, it is unnatural." It
sounds fairly straightforward, however the Hebrew word
translated in most editions of the Bible as “unnatural” is the
word “to'ebah”. In some editions, it is also translated as “an
abomination”. This word is, however, used in many other passages to
mean contextually “against common practice” (Robinson). It is
used as such in Genesis 43:32 "...because the Egyptians could
not eat food with the Hebrews, for that is unnatural to the
Egyptians." Here the word is referring to the fact that it is
against Egyptian ritual law, not necessarily that it is despicable.
The word is also found describing shellfish, (Leviticus 11:10) and
women wearing men's clothing. (Deuteronomy 22:5)
What
then, does this verse really mean? Well, if you look at the culture
of the time, women were ranked much lower than men, hence the
clarification of “as with womankind”. Women were arranged into
marriages, often with men much older than them, with little to no say
in the matter, making sex often an act of control and humiliation. No
wonder then, to treat a man in such way, would be considered
“to'ebah”. It would be challenging the established roles of
gender within society. In this case, gay sex is just as “unnatural”
as Hillary Clinton running for president.
Another
common reference is found in Genesis 19, in the story of Sodom and
Gomorrah. In this story, God sends angels down to see if there is
righteousness in these towns. Lot and his wife (whose name isn't mentioned by the author of Genesis) receive them with
great hospitality, but the men of the town come to them, commanding
them to bring the strangers out so that they may (assuming forcibly)
have sex with them. God then condemns the area and destroys everyone
in it. In Hebrew tradition of the time, hospitality was essential.
There were no Holiday Inns for travelers. If nobody was hospitable to
travelers, they would have nowhere to stay and, most likely, nothing
to eat. The wicked people of Sodom and Gomorrah not only were
attempting to take the angels from the hospitality of Lot and his wife,
thereby rejecting them from town and comfort, they also meant to use
sex to humiliate them further. Comparing a loving gay relationship to
this story is like comparing it to the sex crimes of U.S. Soldiers
against Iraqi prisoners of war. Were these soldiers just lustful men
with unusual taste out for some thrills? No. The intent of rape and
humiliation is here, and it is completely incomparable to consensual
gay relationships.
Probably
the most commonly used passage, however, is Romans 1:27, where Paul
addresses the sins practiced by the Christians in Rome. "In the
same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were
inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with
other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their
perversion." To analyze this verse, you have to know the
context, in which Paul also describes Christians as worshiping idols
the way the Pagan Romans were. In Roman society of the time, it was
customary for men in positions of power to assert themselves by sexually penetrating people of lower status. These people were women, slaves, and teenage boys.
Once again, for a Christian man in this society to commit an act
toward another man that was known to be so degrading, it would be
considered a sin against this man. I also think it is worth noting
that the verse states that these men “were inflamed with lust” and
“committed indecent acts”, and not “fell into compassionate
love” and “formed committed relationships out of mutual respect.”
By Biblical morality, lust is always a sinful attitude, whether homosexual in nature or otherwise. The undignified, lustful committing of "indecent acts" is very seldom comparable to non-heterosexual
relationships in the present day United States.
This
topic is one that is highly controversial in our faith, and I
understand that it takes a radical change of perspective to accept
things traditionally known as taboo. However, if Christians look past
stereotypes and really study the Bible the way they should, by going
beyond reading passages out of context and by researching the culture
in which they were written, they will see the need to reconcile our
community of believers with a community often rejected from us, and
to promote peace and acceptance of our gay and lesbian brothers and
sisters. I will close with a verse which I believe to be the most
relevant, 1 Peter 4:8 “Above all, love each other deeply, because
love covers over a multitude of sins.”
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
I'm Getting Married in 25 Days!
Writing my own vows is one of the trickiest things I've ever tried to do. How does one write down what one swears to be to another when one changes constantly? As a second approach, how do I describe a love that I'm giving the man I've chosen to marry? It was my idea, and now I'm stuck.
Everything else I've been doing for the wedding has been just a lot of foot and hand work. Purchasing, picking, crafting, in other words busy, busy fun! This takes work though. It seems it's easy, when spending so much thought on a wedding, to forget the fact that there will also be a MARRIAGE taking place, and that, at the end of the eventful day, I will be a wife.
I will be the one he comes to first with all of his life decisions. The one he comes home to every day, on good days and bad ones. I'll be the one he talks to when deciding what to have for dinner. If I don't like a food, he'll probably not eat it anymore. I'll be the one he introduces to his co-workers as a permanent part of him. Eventually, God willing, I'll be trying to agree on a parenting style with him.
I'll be the one who gets all of his love, his thoughts, his partnership. We'll be best friends forever. I'll always get to hold his hand. I'll never have a broken heart again.
How do I possibly write down how this will make me feel?
Everything else I've been doing for the wedding has been just a lot of foot and hand work. Purchasing, picking, crafting, in other words busy, busy fun! This takes work though. It seems it's easy, when spending so much thought on a wedding, to forget the fact that there will also be a MARRIAGE taking place, and that, at the end of the eventful day, I will be a wife.
I will be the one he comes to first with all of his life decisions. The one he comes home to every day, on good days and bad ones. I'll be the one he talks to when deciding what to have for dinner. If I don't like a food, he'll probably not eat it anymore. I'll be the one he introduces to his co-workers as a permanent part of him. Eventually, God willing, I'll be trying to agree on a parenting style with him.
I'll be the one who gets all of his love, his thoughts, his partnership. We'll be best friends forever. I'll always get to hold his hand. I'll never have a broken heart again.
How do I possibly write down how this will make me feel?
Friday, May 25, 2012
Why I Love Harry Potter So Much
Since 1999 when first I read "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone", my life has been a magical ride.
At that time, I lived in a world where adults and other children constantly told me I was strange. I was beaten up, called names, and thought that life would always mean pain. (In "The Tales of Beadle the Bard, Dumbledore says "To hurt is as human as to breathe.)
Eventually, I learned that I had something special. I could sing songs, write poems, paint, learn and teach. I could create magic. This magic grew as I aged, and became more than something I practiced; it became my means of combating a world full of darkness.
Because of this magic, I was able to reach out, and make friends. These friends saved my life many a time, helped me through school, made me laugh, and gave me a reason to get up in the morning after dreams that made me fear opening my eyes. They brought me to levels as a human being that I didn't believe possible.
I've had authority distrust me. I've been told to be silent when I tried to stand up for the truth. It hasn't stopped me yet.
I've had to make choices between what is right and what is easy.
I know what it means to have someone you love, someone who has taught you everything, someone who shaped you into who you are, someone who had the entirety of your trust, suddenly cease to exist, and to be left with infinite questions, disbelief, emptiness, and a searing pain that seems to have a life of it's own.
I also know what it means to let the souls of the fallen live on within you and the love that you can give. To press on, and to dedicate your spirit to the ones who mean the most to you.
I've found a place that has become home to me, where there is always help for those who need it.
It is true that my life will never be as full of epic adventure as the life of Harry. However, as I delve again and again into my well-loved copies of his books, I gain a hope for when my story is over, a hope that people will look through it and see someone who was given enormous adversities, but who overcame them and created a bright point of light in the universe; someone who lived for her friends, and who experienced all the magical possibilities of her world. I want to be remembered, ultimately, as a girl who lived.
At that time, I lived in a world where adults and other children constantly told me I was strange. I was beaten up, called names, and thought that life would always mean pain. (In "The Tales of Beadle the Bard, Dumbledore says "To hurt is as human as to breathe.)
Eventually, I learned that I had something special. I could sing songs, write poems, paint, learn and teach. I could create magic. This magic grew as I aged, and became more than something I practiced; it became my means of combating a world full of darkness.
Because of this magic, I was able to reach out, and make friends. These friends saved my life many a time, helped me through school, made me laugh, and gave me a reason to get up in the morning after dreams that made me fear opening my eyes. They brought me to levels as a human being that I didn't believe possible.
I've had authority distrust me. I've been told to be silent when I tried to stand up for the truth. It hasn't stopped me yet.
I've had to make choices between what is right and what is easy.
I know what it means to have someone you love, someone who has taught you everything, someone who shaped you into who you are, someone who had the entirety of your trust, suddenly cease to exist, and to be left with infinite questions, disbelief, emptiness, and a searing pain that seems to have a life of it's own.
I also know what it means to let the souls of the fallen live on within you and the love that you can give. To press on, and to dedicate your spirit to the ones who mean the most to you.
I've found a place that has become home to me, where there is always help for those who need it.
It is true that my life will never be as full of epic adventure as the life of Harry. However, as I delve again and again into my well-loved copies of his books, I gain a hope for when my story is over, a hope that people will look through it and see someone who was given enormous adversities, but who overcame them and created a bright point of light in the universe; someone who lived for her friends, and who experienced all the magical possibilities of her world. I want to be remembered, ultimately, as a girl who lived.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Okay. So I already failed and skipped a day. I suppose everyone will have to get used to being dissappointed in life. Consider this a lesson. Yep, that was my intent all along. ...
Anger.
It's so damn ugly
and so debilitating.
I'd rather be depressed,
and that's saying something
considering.
Wow. Sorry, guys. I think that's all I've got today. Welcome back, writer's block! (And by welcome back, I do mean that I plan on kicking you in the teeth tomorrow.)
Anger.
It's so damn ugly
and so debilitating.
I'd rather be depressed,
and that's saying something
considering.
Wow. Sorry, guys. I think that's all I've got today. Welcome back, writer's block! (And by welcome back, I do mean that I plan on kicking you in the teeth tomorrow.)
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