Once again, this is word vomit. I'll probably change subjects between spaces, as my mind is jumpy today.

Your argument that the world isn't fair will never change my argument that it should be.
People like you who are resigned not to work for fairness are the reason "It is what it is".

My passions run way to hot right now.
Everything I do, I care about intensely during these heightened times.
They are interspersed in my life, but they come,
times in which I feel ready constantly for jubilation, heartbreak
anger, creation.
Anything but complacency.
The stakes in even the most mundane conversations skyrocket.
My blood sublimates.

Identity is strange.
Like a monologue from Hamlet.
What forces cause us to be who we are,
or not to be?

What causes someone to be afraid of a second date,
after the first one goes really well?
I feel like I knew once,
but now fear seems incomprehensible to me,
in the face of possibility.
There's a chance in going for it, that the relationship won't work out perfectly.
If you don't go for it, however, it's guaranteed.

Okay, yeah. Scatterbrained.

Mental Ex-Lax

So, I'm going to divulge to you now the real reason why I haven't been posting. It's not that I've been busy. I mean, I have been busy, but that's not the reason. I've written through extreme business before. My reason: Writer's Block, for which there is no laxative. I've still been writing my poem a day, but they've been, at best, five lines of crap apiece. SO here, today, I'm ending this. This post I'm just taking and doing. Another reveal: I have no idea what I will write. The thing that's about to come out of my typing fingers will be as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. Here goes something.

It's amazingly complete.
That feeling
when you let yourself want for something.
Hope is inevitable.
You do your best and you get yourself just a little taste of it.
A taste of that which you are certain will magnify your happiness.
When it peaks at piquing you and your whole body aligns 
and your body and mind connect in almost unsettling ways,
and then, it creeps in.
The deal breaker.
Fear. Either yours or someone else's.
It slithers in and opens a crack too hard to notice
at first,
and then, while your occupied mind ruminates on further possibilities,
that on which you speculate erodes from that tiny crack
and is washed down the river.
The completeness is when you turn around, see the debris,
hear the utter tabula rasa,
and you know that you and your dreaming consciousness
will wander through many more of these valleys,
and that happiness and it's providers on whom you can rely
will be with you always anyway.

Wow. Moral of the story is: just do it. For this week, at least, I am challenging myself, as of right now, to post something every day. We'll see if any of it equates to this one, or if it's all utter crap, at least we'll all have a laugh.

Epoch Vector Variance

The time it takes to walk from downtown to campus is a rather flexible vector, if there is such a thing. For example, when I've been distracted by my favorite thrift store and the delightful elderly ladies within and consequently am late for a meeting with my academic adviser, the walk is excruciatingly lengthy. However, when I want to walk as a means of amusing myself until my fiancee gets off work so we can have a talk of a serious nature, I can't make it last very long at all. When I' m walking for the sake of pondering my musings over anonymous observations, it can take an entire day, and when I'm walking and talking with a good friend, well, that's when the real paradox occurs, for then, time ceases to exist.

A Recent Trend

Something I've noticed lately is that I definitely am glad to be making and keeping some really awesome female friends. I've been "one of the guys" for really as long as I can remember, and really enjoy that position. However, there are some things a women just can't do or say around guys that they really should do or say, and that's where women come in.

With that out there, I've noticed recently that women like to talk about their experiences a lot, and when two women share a similar experience and can talk about it freely with one another, they are almost instantly friends. When I can make a friend because of something that's happened to me, even if the event was pretty crappy at the time, it makes me infinitely grateful.

Thank you so much, all of the women who will put up with coffeeing with me, listening to me ramble, and sharing your stories with me. You are the ones who really help me learn, grow, and enjoy my life.

Sometimes...

Yes, sometimes our hearts ARE too big.

However, I think we'd take it over being hardened any day.

You and I,

we are queens of our own circumstance.

Still

My heart is as placid as the

lake, and a rowboat glides smoothly

over the stillness

whilst underneath life churns.

Things eat each other.

Dive bomb birds,

cast lines reel,

and memories swirl

but the rowboat continues

to the very center

unperturbed

and drops it's anchor

into the churning

homeostasis.

Kineticism

It's as though magnetism

is pulling me into every

possible corner of my existence,

but because equal and opposite

force is being exerted

from every direction,

I remain intact and still,

while highly energized

with potential.