Last night I had a dream in which I found a person who embodied a compilation of everyone who'd ever teased me, snickered at the things I believe in, or shoved me around.
I went up to this person, and started physically fighting him. I told him I would stop if only he'd apologize for terrorizing another human being to the point of wanting to kill herself.
He just laughed at my efforts.
I drew on my anger. I started scratching, pinching, biting, punching hard until my new engagement ring was leaving bruises in his bare skin. Finally, I made him apologize, and promise never to bully again.
I stopped, and felt a small satisfaction.
Then I saw a letter of recommendation written by a compilation of everyone I've ever admired.
It read, "Kaylie is the hope of this world, because no matter how dark it gets, she won't become her own form of control, but let the true light shine to every corner that needs it."
I'm trying to find a moment in which I've felt more shame.
