As a raging feminist, I appreciate the direction our society is going with its encouragement of women who put themselves in the workplace and universities. Where 60 years ago, women were expected to marry, have kids, and keep houses, and have that be their lives, now women are encouraged to go to college, find a career they love, and live their lives that way. This is a good thing.
Recently, however, I've noticed that with our encouragement of women to be anything they want, we are now heavily placing importance on all women having a career.
What does the concept of "be something" mean to today's society anyway? When we ask children "What do you want to be when you grow up?" the expected response is "a fireman", "an astronaut", or "a doctor", or even sometimes something like "a biologist", or "a CEO". Regardless of the actual response, the point is that it is, with few exceptions, an occupation. It saddens me that what someone will "be" solely depends on what that peson will do for a living. I believe that it is this way because of humanity's fascination with money. "What will you be?" translates to "How will you live?", and we all accept that living means having plenty of money. Forget smelling, breathing, laughing, loving, and caring, the question of what someone does can be, nay, is expected to be, summed up completely by how they make money.
When I "grow up" (yeah, like I'll ever actually grow up) I want to be a friend, a life-enhancer, a lover, a music-maker, a Christ-server, a dreamer, and an intellectual. As my boyfriend, Chris, said once, "I want to be me, but better."
Don't get me wrong. I'm in college. I study music and writing and hope to someday be a composer, elementary music teacher, poet, or editor. I have pipe dreams as well, such as owning a coffee shop or being a youth pastor or worship leader. I am working hard towards having a career. If I honestly admit it to myself, however, what I really want in life more than anything else is to be a mom. I want to have children to love, to teach, and to learn from, and I want a loving husband with whom I can share my whole life. That is what I want. That is what I dream of at night. I should be encouraged to follow my dreams, right?
I'm not saying that this is what women should want. I know many who are career-based women and are very successful and happy. I believe that women should be free to be whatever they want, but that's just it: I think they should be WHATEVER they want, even if what they want to be isn't an occupation.
The media these days depicts housewives, generally, as either pleasant, smiley, wait-on-my-husband-hand-and-foot, and ultimately bland women in dresses, or sad, repressed, bored, lonely women with a lot of lost dreams. In reality, that isn't the case. I know several stay-at-home moms that are very happy and fulfilled, and all-around deep-thinking, hard-working (because seriously, since when is keeping a home and raising children NOT hard work?), and awesome individuals.
A great deal of people, however, don't understand this. If I mention my desire to marry and have children, most people will immediately jump to telling me why I should be focusing on my future career and not studying child psychology in my free time. I'm not saying that my employment isn't an important objective, but why should it be my ONLY objective? Since when is finding love and creating a family not a life goal to be taken seriously? Why is there so much pressure for me to "make something of myself"before I can even think about doing what I really want to do? In society's movement to free women, it has trapped them.
I can't believe I'ts become nesecary to say this, but I think a woman (or man, for that matter) should have the right to be a homemaker if she so chooses withiout being looked down upon. To all of the stay-at-home moms out there, I admire you, for your hard work shaping the future of our planet (because that's what child-raising is) and for your wilingness to sacrifice respect as a sucessful human being for the sake of your family. Applause to you. Enjoy your lives. You are my heroes.
I just hope that as I get older my dreams will be taken more seriously.
I really like that you posted this, and I definitely agree with everything you say. People sometimes demand to know what I'm going to DO with my English major (how much worse for the music majors!), and it's such an obnoxious question. Why, I'm going to live, of course. Fortunately for me, I have dull and sensible enough aspirations for my major (technical writer for the boring!) that most people are satisfied, and say they admire me for being able to do something so distressingly dull.
ReplyDeleteBut really, when people ask me what I want to do with my life, I want to say, I want to fall in love! I want to get married and have a husband that is all mine. Beyond that, who CARES?
I was actually thinking about a similar issue in feminism, though-- actually, because of your comments on my Facebook status, and that is the matter of the dress.
So many women I know refuse to wear dresses- they wear pants and "mens clothes," because they don't want to be prissy little girls. But I think that's so wrong! If you want to prove that you can be just as awesome as a man, why do you deny things that are feminine? It's denial of this femininity--things like dresses and makeup--that can serve to undermine women. Why can't women wear dresses and heels and makeup, and be beautiful in a way a man could never, ever pull off-- and not prove herself to be just as capable?
I'm a woman, and I fixed a toilet in a dress. Bitch.
Josh here,
ReplyDeleteVery interesting indeed, specially since i get a different take from what Kori says as in Utah its the exact opposite of what you say....o Utah.
She has 16 friends that are already married MARRIED at the age of 19 >.>....and you get looked down upon if your not planning to be a homemaker if your of the female persuasion.
With that I guess it all really depends on what state you live in but either way it sucks that your pushed towards one option.
Jacky <3 btw fixing a toilet in a dress ftw
one other things that irks me is if a man wants to be the homemaker o god....that a incoming shit storm of wtf are you doing for that man :(
First of all, your last sentence made me smile. A LOT!!! I freaking love you.
ReplyDeleteI could not fix a toilet, dress or otherwise.
Second, I definitely see your point with that last paragraph. I definitely think that women who can present themselves as sexy, feminine women and then also pwn at things men can do are AMAZING and deserve my utmost respect. However, I am not one of these women. I fall too much to have poise, and dresses get in my way when I climb trees and in them it is embarrassing to turn cartwheels.
Another thing about dresses is yet another feminist issue. I am very proud of my status as one of the guys. I love to just sit around and play video games or talk about shooting stuff or have belching contests in a room full of men. It is a good place for me, and I am usually treated no different from any smelly geek there. However, if I dress up "like a girl" and try to do the same thing (I have done it before), the dynamic is completely different. Being hit on at a LAN = NO FUN. (If I wanted to pick up guys, wouldn't I be ANYWHERE but here?) Unfortunately guys just treat girls differently. They just do. Fortunately, they are easily deceived and forget that you are one if you don't show any symptoms.
With that said, I still comply to skirt Wednesday. So there.
While I agree mostly with what you've said, Kaylie, I have to say that a person's money doesn't necessarily have to define them. For example, my dad's an engineer, not because he wants to make money, but because he truly enjoys his work. In the same way that you can find joy as a homemaker, many of us can find joy in our fields of employ. I feel that your allegation to the contrary was a little. . . misplaced. But it's true: Society does often label people based upon their incomes, a standard which I find both antiquated and disheartening.
ReplyDeleteAll in all, anyway, brava! Your point is well received. Also, Bettie Page ftw! :D
--Matthias
Bettie Page ftw indeed.
ReplyDelete