If

If you run from someone,
and that someone doesn't chase after you,
have you really lost anything?

The River and the Forrest, Part II

The river flows on to the sea,
and the harsh forest dries up.
How did it expect to live without water?

God pours rain.
It survives.

Meanwhile, the sea
without the sky
sublimates into space:
a million tiny particles -
pieces -
scattered.

Maybe

Maybe love isn't for the smart and beautiful.

I'm too scary.

More Emo Rantings ( I promise they will end)

If a man wants to get every single thing he thinks he wants in a woman,
he'll have to marry, like, 5 women,
and that's polygamy,
which is bad.

You can't calculate a relationship
that way.
The only thing quantifiable
is how two people feel about each other.

That was real,
is real,
I know it,
but I've been given no choice.
I have no voice.

All I can do is deal with
knowing what I know
and knowing that it will never matter.

My Attempt to Quantify Emotion

Chance of tears - 100%
Chance of tripping over my own feet on a daily basis - 97%
Chance of being hit on by desperate friends - 80%
Chance of seeing you today - 79%
Chance of rain - 72%
Chance of dissappointing someone I admire - 68%
Chance of blasting angry punk metal in my car with the windows down - 61%
Chance of the stupid dog on the carpet by my feet farting and then leaving the room - 55%
Chance of hope returning any time soon - 49%
Chance of a friend calling me today - 46%
Chance of me doing something impulsive and reckless that I'll regret tomorrow - 41%
Chance of a song on the radio reminding me of you - 39%
Chance of me hugging my teddy bear for dear life - 32%
Chance of me getting out of bed before 15:00 - 27%
Chance of the war ending before I die - 23%
Chance of finding someone better than you - 16%
Chance of there actually being a good movie playing today - 14%
Chance of me doing something productive this week - 12%
Chance of finding an affordable, cat-friendly appartment in a decent location in Corvallis - 9%
Chance of me cleaning my room - 5%
Chance of the world ending tonight - 2%
Chance of getting you back - 0%

My Big, Brainy Curse

I'm so smart.
I analyze everything.
I don't go to anywhere
and comer back thinking
"that was a good time."

I think about
what every human was wearing
and why,
what everyone said
and what they meant,
the lyrics of the music that played,
the way the room was decorated,
how it all applies to society,
and how it applies to me.

Then, I contemplate exactly how
and to what extent
I feel about everything,
and put each emotion into a jar.
I have a jar for fear,
anger, joy, curiosity, impatience, excitement,
love;
and when a jar gets full,
it doesn't overflow.
It explodes.

My emotions flow out
in words, sounds, motion,
and they are all as real
as the earth beneath my feet.

I don't understand the concept of
"not knowing how one feels",
because for me,
it's so easy.

I'm just too smart I guess.

My intelligence
is why I'm so hard to relate to.
My intelligence,
is why I'm so intense.
My intelligence
is why I'm so unhappy.

A Man

A man
can get shot in the head
or fall off a cliff
and he'll be okay with it.
His soul will survive.

He is not afraid of picking a fight
or racing a car.

But love?

It can't be quantified.
It's not physical
and has no logic,
so it's terrifying.

I think that's why they run.

Moving On

I don't need shit from you,
because I love you,
and it hurts to know that you'll never love me the same way,
and now I don't care what you do.
I'm okay on my own,
and I know you've made the right choice.

I understand,
so go have fun.
It's okay we're done,
but I miss you.

I may act dead for a while,
but I'll be okay, I promise.
I may wish I were dead for a while,
but I'll live on.
Still, I need you,
but I'll be okay.

I swear.

If Anyone Can Make Sense of It, I'll Give Him a Sixpence

The bloodstains haven't washed out of
my white tank top yet,
so the perfection of my coffee still makes it taste of salty tears.
God damn you, squirrel man.

Me, as the Owner of My Own Heart

Is there really a soul mate
for everyone?
For me?
Or is it a lot of snippets
with someones?
Like tracks on a CD?
Is the love that makes my life
complete
the love of someone else?
Or can it be that the love that
matters
is mine?

The Big Picture

The frogs out in the blazing blackness
sing their chorus,
and I trust another human being
as the knots fall out of my neck,
and perspective sets in,
and I realize once again
the big picture
that everyone matters,
and the world
truly is beautiful
and importantly unimportant.

Forget the persons,
love the people,
and enjoy
yourself.

Well...

That was fun while it lasted.

Please

God, please open his heart to all of me
because I love him desperately
to break my soul would be so easy
and I just want his arms around me.

Oh No!

Oh, no!
There is blood on my pear.
I should have been cutting it
with a bit more care.