So, if you're not blind, you've noticed that I've given my page a makeover. Feedback on it's appearance and easiness to read are much appreciated. (You know you want to. You are on the internet, heck, you're a human being, ergo, you have SOMETHING to say.)
Tonight was my last meeting with my college Christain group for the school year. Looking back on how much I've learned this year and how much my friends there mean to me, I'm starting to feel happy about being here for another year. Perhaps I'm not a step closer to my dream of becoming a youth pastor, perhaps I am. Who knows what God has in store?
A really dear friend just gave me some prints of our most recent photoshoot. They're astonishing! I'm beginning to feel so confident as a model, and it does my self-esteem well to be excelling at something.
I've been having especially weird dreams lately, having to do with weddings, carcinogens, musical theater, and octopi. (Octopus? Octopotes?) I've also dreamed about being pregnant three times over the last two weeks. Dream theory says that means I feel about to create something special. I hope that's true. I feel as though I could be productive if given an outlet. Maybe I'll paint something.
I am very much feeling growth and change, but very much am still afraid, and am still stifled by my need to cater to old friends who take advantage of me and don't value me for who I really am. Sometimes I wonder if some of my friends realize how hard I go out of my way all the time to make sure they're okay. I wonder if they did, would they be more likely to send a text every once in a while saying, "How's it going?". I guess I just become old news and slip under the radar sometimes. I really should learn to speak up for myself.
I remember dreaming of the symbol of the basket, loaves, and fish. Very cleary, I need to remember that God will provide for me. (Even though I'm currently struggling to make rent and my car was just totaled by a stranger.)
Anyway, that's what's on Kaylie's mind today.
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