Friendship

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather is one of those things that give value to survival."
- C. S. Lewis

Perhaps it's because I went through a lot of my earlier life without many friends, maybe it's because of what I've been through in which my friends have literally been life-savers, or maybe it's because I've read way too much Harry Potter, but friendship has always been the most essential thing to me.

I'm not talking about "eh, I don't have much better to do, so I'm going to look through my contacts list and see who will watch a movie with me tonight", or "I could use someone to keep me awake while I study", but actual, tried-and-true, bonds of love between two human beings that make them valuable peices of each other's lives.

Today's society (and I mean not just the media, but the people by whom I am surrounded) seems to be slowly depreciating good, solid friendships. It's hard to find popular stories these days that aren't about romance, and I've often found myself seconded to the significant others of my friends, only to have our time together re-discovered after said relationship's unfortunately dramatic demise.

I'm not saying that I'm not a fan of relationships. I love mine extensively, for many reasons. However, it will never take precedence over the close-knit friendships that I have accumulated and find immensely precious. Breakups stab, but the loss of a friend, I've found, aches for so much longer.

With this importance as a preamble, I would like to take this time to divulge what I see in the ideal friend. This model is the kind of friends I hope to have, and the kind of friend I am always striving to be.

Friends are two people who find each other to be valuable parts of their lives, and who strive to make sure the other friend knows it. A friend isn't somebody who finds you valuable for what you have to offer, but for who you are. A friend will take time with you, not just upon first getting to know you, but as you grow and change together, to understand who you are. A friend will listen intently, and learn how you think, what you value, and what your dreams are.

If a friend truly finds you valuable as a person, said friend will listen to your opinion on matters and really consider it. A friend believes that you are a credible resource. A friend is someone whom you teach and simultaneously from whom you learn.

What you find important, your friend will also find important because you do. If you are a peace activist, your friend will express excitement when you share news about your cause. If you are really into a musician, your friend will stand in line with you to get tickets when said musician comes to town. If you devote your life to playing a sport, your friend will be at your games cheering you on, or at least ask how they went afterward. You must also take the time to find out what your friend values, and if you care about your friend, these things will be valuable to you as well, because your friend's happiness will be as important to you as your own.

A friend knows your dreams, and will go out of hir way to help you achieve them.

A friend will listen to you singing your heart-song, memorize it, and sing it back to you when you forget the words.

A friend will strive to remind you that you are important to hir, and to the world. Simple things like helping you with your chores, making you a card, giving you a hug just for the sake of being close, sending a text-message or *gasp* actually calling you on the telephone to remind you why you are special, or taking time out of a particularly busy week to spend time with you, even if it's just for a short time, can really make a friendship last.

A friend is someone with whom you can be yourself. Everyone has a "force feild" that ze puts on when out in public. This is the reserve you show in portraying your deep-set emotions. A friend doesn't judge, but in fact encourages you to share your real, true, raw self with hir. A true friend will also open up with you and tell you what is on hir heart. Friends don't hide things from one another.

When you are dealing with something difficult, your friend is there, not to fix the problem, but to take care of you and your feelings. As Sam said to Frodo in one of the most beautiful friendships literature has to offer, "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." Some of the people who have remained my friends through the test of time are people who have held me while I cried. There are some things in life that only friends can get us through.

Lastly, the most important words in a good friendship are, "How insightful!", "How was your day?", "I believe in you," "Thank you," and "I love you." They should all be spoken, ideally, once a week.